


I Don't Think I Love You No More

by not_tony_stank



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-18 00:21:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_tony_stank/pseuds/not_tony_stank
Summary: Earth AU:What if Lance left Keith for Nyma?[Or a disastrous misunderstanding between the boys and the aftershocks in their relationship]Inspired by: EDEN - xo





	1. Chapters 1-7: Is This A Dream (Or A Nightmare)?

**Author's Note:**

> Some content here may be triggering, so please, if it may trigger you, don't read it. Thanks!

Tears trickled down his face as he watched the door slam shut, his now ex-boyfriend’s words swimming through his head. He clenched his teeth, screwing them tight in an attempt to stop his tears as half-moons bled sluggishly in his palms as his nails dug deeper and deeper. His shoulders shuddered as he attempted to even out his breathing as he staggered towards the bathroom, ignoring the mess of thrown clothes on the floor.

Keith didn’t recognise the person in the mirror. Glistening tear tracks streamed from his bloodshot eyes as his mouth twitched up in a weak attempt to put on a smile to hide his pain. If Shiro was coming over at the same time, as usual, this week, he’d have to sort that out or his brother would be angry at him. After all, he’d just been broken up with by his three-year boyfriend. It was his fault. He was the one who refused to be good enough, right?

His vision fuzzed as he slid to the floor, breath quickening as he began to hyperventilate, breath stuck in his throat as he choked on his own air. It had been what felt like hours but what must have been barely ten minutes when he was finally able to breathe better, swimming in and out of consciousness. After some time spent staring up at the ceiling, panting as he caught the breath that his panic had stolen, he heard the doorbell ring. 

Fuck.

-

“Keith? Keith?” Shiro called, rapping on the door sharply after he got no response. Keith pulled himself up off the bathroom floor, splashing some water on his face, avoiding the mirror, before he slowly moved towards the door, knowing what fate would become of him. He rubbed at his eyes once more before opening the door.

Shiro stared at his usually put together brother in shock. The boy before him looked like a zombie with dark circles around his bloodshot eyes, gnawed, bleeding lips and tufts of hair sticking up everywhere. After a few minutes of just staring at him, Keith broke down crying, knees collapsing beneath him as he began to heave out apologies between his sobs. Shiro was confused, bending down and lifting his eerily light brother with barely a creak from his prosthetic, before moving into the apartment.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he manoeuvred his brother onto the bed, stepping around piles of clothing which looked like they had been thrown from the cupboard. 

Laying Keith on the rumpled purple sheets of the bed, he sat down at the foot of it, observing the room for a moment before making his way to the kitchen. He swung open the fridge and pulled out some milk, honey and lemon juice before getting some oats from the cupboard. Shiro was going to do what he always did when Keith was sad, stressed, sick or overwhelmed; he was going to make his special oatmeal.

-  
Keith couldn’t remember too much from his dream, just flashes of blue covered by a mustard yellow and pain throbbing through his body. When he woke up, he stared at the ceiling of the dark room for almost an hour until Shiro opened the door to check in on him.

-

When Shiro went into the room to check on his brother, he was greeted with an emotionless wreck. His normally lively brother was laying down on his back and staring up at the ceiling, unseeing with a blank look in his eyes.

Moving towards the bed, Shiro sat at the foot of it, before reaching out and touching his brother’s calf. The impact was instantaneous with the boy instantly retracting his leg from the elder’s grasp as he curled up in the fetal position and his eyes clearing before watering with unshed tears.

Shiro shuffled closer to him, edging up the bed, before reaching his arms around and hefting the surprisingly light body onto his lap and holding him tight. Wet tears soaked his shoulder as he soothingly ran his prosthetic over his back.

-

Keith felt nothing but relief as he sobbed into his brother’s shoulder, savouring the love and warmth that poured from him, before realising what was going to happen next. Shiro would move him back and ask him what happened and then he’d have to say that Lance left him because he was stupid and then Shiro would leave too and Keith didn’t want to be alone.

As Keith had anticipated, after ten minutes of soothing patting and gentle murmurs, Shiro shifted him backwards and tilted up his head so that they were looking eye to eye.

“What happened, Keith?” He questioned, tone too gentle for Keith, too kind for the monster that he was.

Keith stayed silent. He didn’t want to say anything but Shiro refused to budge. After a couple of minutes, Keith mustered up the courage to whisper his secret.

“I drove him away,” Keith uttered, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes as Shiro tried to understand what he meant.

“Who? Keith, what do you mean by that?” Shiro asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Lance left me. I-I said that he c-couldn’t go out with N-Nyma so he packed up and he left me.” A fresh wave of tears poured from his eyes as he blurted out his confession.

-

Shiro was in shock. 

Was this why his brother was in such disarray and distress? What the fuck had Lance done to him?

He continued rubbing his brother’s back as his anger began to grow from the pit of his stomach, bubbling up and out. Steadying his breath, he tried to calm the hot fury rising in him, for his brother’s sake. He needed to be there for him rather than chasing down Lance.

He knew how fragile his brother was.

He knew how low his self-esteem was.

And most of all, he knew what Keith could do to himself if he was left alone.

-

Keith felt like he was dying, a cough gurgling up from his mucus-slicked throat as he choked on his own breath and saliva. He felt like he was suffocating, overwhelmed with the fact that Shiro had stayed with him.

He didn’t deserve his brother.

He was meant to be left alone. 

Why did he bother to stay?

He was going to leave anyway, wasn’t he?

Was he?


	2. Chapters 8-10: His Point Of View

Lance didn’t mean it. He was angry at Keith for being too possessive, not letting him out of the house to meet with his friends. 

He didn’t mean the hateful words fired off his tongue, words which had been kept in for years, he didn’t mean it, really. 

He got angry.  
He didn’t mean it. 

Lance.  
Didn’t.  
Mean. It.

-

As soon as he slammed the door on his boyfriend, he regretted it. But anger overwhelmed all of his rationality as he stormed out of their apartment.

Lance knew that Keith was insecure and that was why he was scared to let Lance go out alone with his friends including his ex-girlfriend Nyma. Keith would always assume the worst. Much like when he had to go to the hospital as his older brother’s wife was in labour and came home to Keith sobbing on the bed holding one of his T-shirts as he’d forgotten to tell him where he’d gone.

It would be okay though.

Shiro would be visiting soon and he’d always look after his younger brother. Lance would just have to find somewhere to stay for the night or so.

He’d leave Keith alone.

-

Lance drove along the dark, rainy road for almost an hour before he finally pulled up to the shared house where his friends Hunk and Pidge lived. He had to stop multiple times on the side of the road as tears blurred his vision when he thought back on what he said to his poor boyfriend. 

During the drive, he had bitten down down his fingernails until they bled, anxious thoughts swimming through his mind. He would go back the next day, once he’d calmed down, and apologise to his boyfriend. Explain what happened. How he didn’t mean to hurt him so.

He would explain his anxiety and how he felt when he was ignored and how it made him scared and how it made him desperate to have someone talk to him.


	3. He Missed (Chapter 11-12)

Once Shiro had released him, Keith wiped the tears and snot off his face onto an old shirt close by him. He almost started crying again when he realised it was Lance’s old first year Garrison t-shirt that he’d outgrown. Keith steeled himself, pushing himself up off the bed as he looked at the clock. 

7 o’clock, four hours since Lance had left him.

He shook his head, dispelling any thoughts about Lance from his mind so that he didn’t end up having another anxiety attack in the bathroom. Shiro was waiting for him in the kitchen. As he made his way there, he passed the desk in their room, pointedly looking away from the collection of face and hair products that Lance had left behind.

Ignore it. Keep your eyes away. Stay on track.

But he missed Lance.

-

That night, Keith tossed and turned all night, his face twisting as his nightmares grew more horrifying. They began with what had happened that day. Then Lance kissing Nyma, Lance loving Nyma and then Lance… dying, dead and him being alone again and again.

Then Shiro leaving him. He doesn’t want to be alone. He doesn’t want to be alone like when he was a child. Keith was scared, he didn’t want to be alone. Alone was bad. 

Keith started awake, sobbing into his pillow as his head throbbed. When would he be ok again?

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't think the areas in this fic where Keith has an anxiety attack and hurts himself are realistic, then I'm sorry but they're based on my own experiences.


End file.
